Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
