dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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