A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
