I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize