I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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