Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
