but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
