Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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