Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
