Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
