i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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