I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize