in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
