sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just invented taco cereal.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
