I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
