So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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