Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I need moral support for this bender
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
