Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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