I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
