Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
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