Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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