people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
