i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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