alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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