there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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