It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
