PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Randomize
