Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I think my vagina is haunted
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
