so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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