I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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