then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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