I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are a booty call, not a friend.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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