I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
