My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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