i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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