Your tits are I can't wait for
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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