it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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