Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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