Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't deserve a penis
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
