I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i will never coherently bang her
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
