"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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