he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
