I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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