My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
