Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
