I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
