I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
