come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
