I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
