Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You've changed since you got that strap on
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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