The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
