So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
