My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
