May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I've blown a few things in my day
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
