I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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