My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
