You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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