i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I need water and some morals
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