I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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