Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
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