I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
