the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
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He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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