You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
