Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
