I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
she peed on how many people?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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