i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
