why didn't you poke me back
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize