I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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