I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
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That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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