dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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