the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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