I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
This toilet bowl is my home.
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