So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
