angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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