How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
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After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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