so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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